Procrastination: musings on the imminent Hallmark Holiday

Ah, Valentine's Day. A day for lovers. A day for loved ones. A day for that chubby naked kid to fly around hitting people with heart-tipped pink and red arrows.

I, unlike some, do not dislike this upcoming day.

A friend once said to me: why is it always about marriage? Everytime you go on a date or talk about someone you are dating, you talk about how you can or cannot see yourself married to him. Why is that your focus? I replied: Well, it's not my total focus. But I don't want to date someone mean, disrespectful, or dumb. That would be annoying. So anyone I do date is nice, respectful, and intelligent. Which means they are decent. Which means 'marriage material', so to say, by default.

One said: I don't know how you do it. You date someone, and are unafraid to just dive in. You get great love, but when you fall, you fall hard. I just can't do that. I just can't believe that it's going to work.

Friends sometimes ask about 'the boy situation'. Last Sunday, I told my dad, "Oh, I just don't feel like dealing with it right now, putting effort or energy into that sort of thing." Because when I do date someone, it's with a purpose. Not casually. I just see no point in that.

I have had the fortune to have dated two wonderful men in my life so far. I loved them dearly, and still do in my way. I'm sure the feelings were (and still are, in their way) returned. But it's hard to crash after something like that.

What I have figured out? That two people can love each other, think the world of each other, and still not end up together. I don't get it, and don't completely understand why, but it's true. Some people think that just because they care for each other -- well, of course they should marry. But I don't think that should be the case. One person -- or both -- should be able to say 'I adore you, and think you're great, but I just can't see myself married to you'. Sure, it's hard -- for both people. It hurts to be dumped, and it hurts to know you're hurting someone you love. And although it seems like a personal attack, it's not -- though it kind of is, but kind of not... in a weird way I don't think I can explain. And it may be that neither person can put a finger on what the thing is, but that doesn't matter. You may never be able to put the reason into words. That's okay. Life will go on. And someone else will come along, because that's how it works.

But you'd better be able to say 'no' if you're not sure, because you need to live with the choice. You have to be sure when you choose. It won't always be great. There will be bad days. Horrible weeks. Off months. There will probably be entire years that seem like things aren't quite right. There will be disagreements over where to eat dinner, what color couch to buy, whose past is coming back to haunt them, how to save for retirement, who is having the mid-life crisis, how to raise the kids, whose home to visit this year during the holidays. It ebbs and flows. You have to be choosy, because you aren't just choosing someone you want by your side. You are also choosing the person you would rather most to have to disagree with. You are choosing the person with whom you will want to always work things out... even when you kind of don't want to, or you would really just rather have your own way. But you've chosen to always make things work in the end with this person. Not everyone you fall for will be that person.


I'm not going to rush myself. And I don't feel like being stressed out over finding my someone. I will not roll over and die if I'm not married with children by the time I'm 30. In fact, the idea still is a bit weird, no matter how many of my friends are jumping on the marriage bandwagon. But I will dive in when presented with an opportunity. It's the only way to find out what's ahead. As emotionally unstable a situation as it is.


Many singles hate Valentine's Day. Some wear black and sneer at happy couples on the street. I refuse to hate this holiday. I take this day to celebrate past loves, current loves, and future loves.


Cheesy? Sure. Hopeful? Of course. But true & sincere, nonetheless. ...so there. :)


Be unafraid to love, everyone.