So this Empathy walks into a bar...

Oh, man.. am I tired. I normally don't go for the coffee, but this is definitely a coffee kind of day. And a long annoying anatomy class will take me into the evening. Blech. And I am obviously not working right now. Eh.. there's time for that shortly. (I have this feeling my blogs are making me sound like a huge slacker.. not studying, not working.. )

Cat Empire concert .. yeah, last night was great. There's never anything bad about those three words .. Cat, Empire, and concert -- next to each other in a sentence. I was sad that the stage was a bit small for Felix to do his signature shuffle steps, but it was a great night of music nonetheless. Only making the night better was that I got to spend time with some people I have dearly missed for quite a while.

On another happy note, I realized that it's the middle of October, and I haven't yet come down with what I have termed my own personal bout of consumption (AKA, my cough-variant asthma). The airways are slightly itchy sometimes, and so is the skin, but not hardly anything to get excited about. Thank goodness... that asthma last year kinda freaked me out. So hooray for that.

I made some damn good pumpkin chicken soup Sunday... sounds a little weird, I don't normally put pumpkin and chicken together, but everyone seems to love it. It's good. And it's soup season again, which is a happy thing.

And I have a new whiteboard at work in my cubicle (I can't believe I work in a cubicle...). That also makes me happy. Not the cubicle part, just the whiteboard.


But to the topic at hand: Empathy.


As any past or present CLIMB Theatre member knows (CLIMBers, as we sometimes call ourselves), the word empathy means: imagining how someone else feels by imagining how you would feel in the same situation. This is actually different from sympathy, which technically means to be actually sharing the same feelings; empathizing means to only imagine them.

Empathy can be good. When we think about other people's feelings before we do or say something, we may be able to steer clear of needlessly saying or doing something that may hurt the other person's feelings. While I don't think it is a good idea to always walk on the proverbial eggshells around people, I do think it's nice to be considerate of other peoples' feelings. I'm sure most people would agree with me here, at least on some level.

Not everyone uses their empathy. Even those who normally use it can be blinded by their own feelings and forget... For example: woman walks past a homeless man, homeless man says "Hey lady, spare some change," and woman gets furious, says some choice words, and storms off. Why? Let's say the woman had been in an abusive relationship where the man always called her "lady" before beating her. So her feelings of hatred overpowered her usual empathetic self. If she had used her empathy, she may have taken the moment to think about how the guy probably didn't mean any harm, he just feels sad and wants to eat (or do whatever), and she may have given him some change... or at least may not have stormed off before saying the choice words. ...okay, not the best example. Hopefully you get my point.

But empathy has the potential to be bad. Or at least, misused or suffocating. Some people are really good at empathizing.. it comes fairly easy, and they are able to constantly think about what other people may be thinking and feeling. This can be a problem if they ignore their own feelings. ...I think another example would be helpful.

Person A wants something of person B, but thinks it may hurt person B's feelings to say so, so person A stays quiet. But because A decides not to say anything, his well-being is not being seen to. So he is sad, but at least person B is feeling fine, right?.. ..not necessarily... Because maybe person B wants to say something, but decides not to worry about things because saying something may cause problems and hurt person A's feelings. So person B also is feeling somewhat crappy because his needs are not being seen to. Not good for anyone involved. [sigh]

I think this happens a lot out there. Whether the thing people want to say is mean or nice. That whole "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" can't be the rule, because sometimes saying something that should be good can cause feelings that are bad or painful. And so people don't say what they want to the people who matter because they are afraid of hurting those people, when really, if they don't see to it that they get and say what they need, no one is going to be happy.

But who knows... sometimes there's nothing to be said on one or both sides. The unfortunate thing about empathy is that we can never really, truly know what someone else is thinking. Even when they tell us what they're thinking, they may not be honest with us... or with themselves, for that matter. So we can never really be sure if our empathy is keeping us on track or not. So our empathy can be wrong... I guess that means empathy isn't reliable... and that kinda sucks, when we only have that to rely on when it comes to taking care of ourselves and those we love. That definitely isn't something we were able to touch on in those 40-minute classes with the elementary school kids (and it probably would have been more confusing than necessary).


So, I guess.. use your empathy, but not so much that it's stifling. Because although it's not okay to hurt other's feelings unnecessarily, it's also not okay to hurt your own. ...if that makes any sense at all, since it's a fine line.


There are a lot of fine lines out there that we tread on a daily basis. At least life keeps us on our toes.


Stay on your toes, everyone. And be careful how you use that empathy.