You know… things are okay.
(And I mean for the word 'okay' to have positive connotations. As though I wasn't really paying attention to things, and everything around me was kind of a mish-mash of kinda-good, or not-real-great…. And then, all of a sudden… yeah. Things are okay.)
I am really excited about where my life is heading. I took the doula certification class last weekend, and loved it. Only a few middle aged hippie moms were in attendance, one even brewed her own beer and sold tye-dyed shirts…. But I was the only one who had never seen a birth. I guess I should get on that sometime and start volunteering at hospitals.
(For those of you unsure as to what a doula is: a non-clinical birth attendant. She educates, supports, and advocates for the woman in labor in order to make the birth experience the best it can be. With the medical world being as it is nowadays, with doctors having to deal with hospital regulations and not being able to take time out to emotionally care for patients, this is a really good thing for pregnant women. And yes, Dharma's mother on 'Dharma & Greg' was one. No, they aren't all hippies.)
And although I would love to get on a soapbox about how the medical system prevents even the best medical staff from caring, how Illinois is an epidural-happy state, how birth centers (happier, more natural & caring locations to give birth) are illegal in this state, and why doctors don't give options to instead tell you the choice they've made for you… but I don't feel like it. I just don't feel like getting worked up about this today. So there.
Wednesday I attended the UIC info session on the program I'll be applying for this winter. Just walking around their campus was completely energizing. It's going to be hard as hell. Think – for the first 15 months, I'm doing nothing but class and clinical practice to become an RN. That normally takes much more than 15 months. You *can't* work. The guy there said we will want to quit probably every day. It's gonna be rough – but so worth it. I am SO excited.
I've also realized that I need to save some money for this school thing. Not that I didn't know this already, but I'm just going to have to work a little harder. Do things that my parents didn't necessarily do. Like buying store brand laundry detergent. Or going back to the thrift stores for a few staple, easy-to-find garments. Or using cheaper canned veggies in soup, where you can't really tell the difference. Maybe I won't start eating ramen noodles – but lowering a few unnecessary standards won't kill me.
Anyway, I've had a surge of I'm-planning-on-conquering-the-world motivation this week. I was even so inspired that I cleaned my room. Really, I don't remember the last time I saw the floor. And I forgot how big my room can actually feel. It felt good to clean the place... very cleansing. Always a good thing. Now all I need to do is rearrange so all my sweaters fit on the shelves.
But all in all – life is okay. It's Halloween, so I get to wear lots of fun costumes. I'll go to a party or three. My grades are fine, and I don't expect that to change. I won't be able to take the GRE prep class before I have to take the thing in January, but I can study on my own and be fine. I get to go home a lot during the holidays. I got my promotion and raise before the holidays, which is convenient. The receptionist at work who was supposed to be temporary is going to stay on with us – which is great, because I love the girl.
And I can't wait for the holidays coming up. I love them. Partially because I choose to – so many people seem to *choose* to get stressed out over the holidays, and I think that's kind of sad that people can't just sit back and enjoy it all. We're supposed to enjoy the holidays. I just love the warm feeling that comes from seeing people you love and baking lots of cookies and exchanging gifts and traveling and snow.
Hmm-mmm… holidays.
Look forward, everyone.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
So this Empathy walks into a bar...
Oh, man.. am I tired. I normally don't go for the coffee, but this is definitely a coffee kind of day. And a long annoying anatomy class will take me into the evening. Blech. And I am obviously not working right now. Eh.. there's time for that shortly. (I have this feeling my blogs are making me sound like a huge slacker.. not studying, not working.. )
Cat Empire concert .. yeah, last night was great. There's never anything bad about those three words .. Cat, Empire, and concert -- next to each other in a sentence. I was sad that the stage was a bit small for Felix to do his signature shuffle steps, but it was a great night of music nonetheless. Only making the night better was that I got to spend time with some people I have dearly missed for quite a while.
On another happy note, I realized that it's the middle of October, and I haven't yet come down with what I have termed my own personal bout of consumption (AKA, my cough-variant asthma). The airways are slightly itchy sometimes, and so is the skin, but not hardly anything to get excited about. Thank goodness... that asthma last year kinda freaked me out. So hooray for that.
I made some damn good pumpkin chicken soup Sunday... sounds a little weird, I don't normally put pumpkin and chicken together, but everyone seems to love it. It's good. And it's soup season again, which is a happy thing.
And I have a new whiteboard at work in my cubicle (I can't believe I work in a cubicle...). That also makes me happy. Not the cubicle part, just the whiteboard.
But to the topic at hand: Empathy.
As any past or present CLIMB Theatre member knows (CLIMBers, as we sometimes call ourselves), the word empathy means: imagining how someone else feels by imagining how you would feel in the same situation. This is actually different from sympathy, which technically means to be actually sharing the same feelings; empathizing means to only imagine them.
Empathy can be good. When we think about other people's feelings before we do or say something, we may be able to steer clear of needlessly saying or doing something that may hurt the other person's feelings. While I don't think it is a good idea to always walk on the proverbial eggshells around people, I do think it's nice to be considerate of other peoples' feelings. I'm sure most people would agree with me here, at least on some level.
Not everyone uses their empathy. Even those who normally use it can be blinded by their own feelings and forget... For example: woman walks past a homeless man, homeless man says "Hey lady, spare some change," and woman gets furious, says some choice words, and storms off. Why? Let's say the woman had been in an abusive relationship where the man always called her "lady" before beating her. So her feelings of hatred overpowered her usual empathetic self. If she had used her empathy, she may have taken the moment to think about how the guy probably didn't mean any harm, he just feels sad and wants to eat (or do whatever), and she may have given him some change... or at least may not have stormed off before saying the choice words. ...okay, not the best example. Hopefully you get my point.
But empathy has the potential to be bad. Or at least, misused or suffocating. Some people are really good at empathizing.. it comes fairly easy, and they are able to constantly think about what other people may be thinking and feeling. This can be a problem if they ignore their own feelings. ...I think another example would be helpful.
Person A wants something of person B, but thinks it may hurt person B's feelings to say so, so person A stays quiet. But because A decides not to say anything, his well-being is not being seen to. So he is sad, but at least person B is feeling fine, right?.. ..not necessarily... Because maybe person B wants to say something, but decides not to worry about things because saying something may cause problems and hurt person A's feelings. So person B also is feeling somewhat crappy because his needs are not being seen to. Not good for anyone involved. [sigh]
I think this happens a lot out there. Whether the thing people want to say is mean or nice. That whole "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" can't be the rule, because sometimes saying something that should be good can cause feelings that are bad or painful. And so people don't say what they want to the people who matter because they are afraid of hurting those people, when really, if they don't see to it that they get and say what they need, no one is going to be happy.
But who knows... sometimes there's nothing to be said on one or both sides. The unfortunate thing about empathy is that we can never really, truly know what someone else is thinking. Even when they tell us what they're thinking, they may not be honest with us... or with themselves, for that matter. So we can never really be sure if our empathy is keeping us on track or not. So our empathy can be wrong... I guess that means empathy isn't reliable... and that kinda sucks, when we only have that to rely on when it comes to taking care of ourselves and those we love. That definitely isn't something we were able to touch on in those 40-minute classes with the elementary school kids (and it probably would have been more confusing than necessary).
So, I guess.. use your empathy, but not so much that it's stifling. Because although it's not okay to hurt other's feelings unnecessarily, it's also not okay to hurt your own. ...if that makes any sense at all, since it's a fine line.
There are a lot of fine lines out there that we tread on a daily basis. At least life keeps us on our toes.
Stay on your toes, everyone. And be careful how you use that empathy.
Cat Empire concert .. yeah, last night was great. There's never anything bad about those three words .. Cat, Empire, and concert -- next to each other in a sentence. I was sad that the stage was a bit small for Felix to do his signature shuffle steps, but it was a great night of music nonetheless. Only making the night better was that I got to spend time with some people I have dearly missed for quite a while.
On another happy note, I realized that it's the middle of October, and I haven't yet come down with what I have termed my own personal bout of consumption (AKA, my cough-variant asthma). The airways are slightly itchy sometimes, and so is the skin, but not hardly anything to get excited about. Thank goodness... that asthma last year kinda freaked me out. So hooray for that.
I made some damn good pumpkin chicken soup Sunday... sounds a little weird, I don't normally put pumpkin and chicken together, but everyone seems to love it. It's good. And it's soup season again, which is a happy thing.
And I have a new whiteboard at work in my cubicle (I can't believe I work in a cubicle...). That also makes me happy. Not the cubicle part, just the whiteboard.
But to the topic at hand: Empathy.
As any past or present CLIMB Theatre member knows (CLIMBers, as we sometimes call ourselves), the word empathy means: imagining how someone else feels by imagining how you would feel in the same situation. This is actually different from sympathy, which technically means to be actually sharing the same feelings; empathizing means to only imagine them.
Empathy can be good. When we think about other people's feelings before we do or say something, we may be able to steer clear of needlessly saying or doing something that may hurt the other person's feelings. While I don't think it is a good idea to always walk on the proverbial eggshells around people, I do think it's nice to be considerate of other peoples' feelings. I'm sure most people would agree with me here, at least on some level.
Not everyone uses their empathy. Even those who normally use it can be blinded by their own feelings and forget... For example: woman walks past a homeless man, homeless man says "Hey lady, spare some change," and woman gets furious, says some choice words, and storms off. Why? Let's say the woman had been in an abusive relationship where the man always called her "lady" before beating her. So her feelings of hatred overpowered her usual empathetic self. If she had used her empathy, she may have taken the moment to think about how the guy probably didn't mean any harm, he just feels sad and wants to eat (or do whatever), and she may have given him some change... or at least may not have stormed off before saying the choice words. ...okay, not the best example. Hopefully you get my point.
But empathy has the potential to be bad. Or at least, misused or suffocating. Some people are really good at empathizing.. it comes fairly easy, and they are able to constantly think about what other people may be thinking and feeling. This can be a problem if they ignore their own feelings. ...I think another example would be helpful.
Person A wants something of person B, but thinks it may hurt person B's feelings to say so, so person A stays quiet. But because A decides not to say anything, his well-being is not being seen to. So he is sad, but at least person B is feeling fine, right?.. ..not necessarily... Because maybe person B wants to say something, but decides not to worry about things because saying something may cause problems and hurt person A's feelings. So person B also is feeling somewhat crappy because his needs are not being seen to. Not good for anyone involved. [sigh]
I think this happens a lot out there. Whether the thing people want to say is mean or nice. That whole "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" can't be the rule, because sometimes saying something that should be good can cause feelings that are bad or painful. And so people don't say what they want to the people who matter because they are afraid of hurting those people, when really, if they don't see to it that they get and say what they need, no one is going to be happy.
But who knows... sometimes there's nothing to be said on one or both sides. The unfortunate thing about empathy is that we can never really, truly know what someone else is thinking. Even when they tell us what they're thinking, they may not be honest with us... or with themselves, for that matter. So we can never really be sure if our empathy is keeping us on track or not. So our empathy can be wrong... I guess that means empathy isn't reliable... and that kinda sucks, when we only have that to rely on when it comes to taking care of ourselves and those we love. That definitely isn't something we were able to touch on in those 40-minute classes with the elementary school kids (and it probably would have been more confusing than necessary).
So, I guess.. use your empathy, but not so much that it's stifling. Because although it's not okay to hurt other's feelings unnecessarily, it's also not okay to hurt your own. ...if that makes any sense at all, since it's a fine line.
There are a lot of fine lines out there that we tread on a daily basis. At least life keeps us on our toes.
Stay on your toes, everyone. And be careful how you use that empathy.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Kind of studying.
Back at Argo Tea. Should be studying. Oh, I will... just need a few minutes of decompression first. ...don't give me that look, I swear I'll study in a moment. Honest.
Monday I definitely got caught in the rain after class at 9-10pm-ish. And I don't mean just any plain old rain. I mean torrential-monsoonal-I was-so-glad-it-wasn't-hailing-golf-balls kind of rain. That was a good time, let me tell you. At least I was able to keep a sense of humor about it. And my head stayed amazingly dry -- compared to the rest of me, anyway.
At least the rest of the week wasn't as irritating as Tuesday. Everything seemed to be irritating. The trains were very full. I ran out of soymilk at work. I realized I had forgotten to pay a bill I was already a bit behind on. I had to do the invoicing at work... which never ceases to cause problems.
The act of invoicing itself is not bad. I can handle that. I can even make my way through the easy but time-consuming task of formatting the timesheets I get from the engineers. Some of them turn their time in on time, and the time is correct, and there are no problems. Once we get to the deadline we begin to have problems. That's when the engineers have a tendency to ignore me.
They don't mean to. I know they don't. But they figure they will finish thier time in just a minute, then they'll be fine, and they won't have to worry about letting me know what's going on. But then something happens, and they get distracted, or some crisis happens with a client, and it's the end of the day. And they figure they'll get to it when they get home, or first thing in the morning, still no big deal. And they begin to avoid me so they don't have to face me until everything is in and all is right in the world again. But the same distractions and crises happen the next day, and before you know it... I'm feeling ignored. And then I'm calling and emailing, and calling and emailing their supervisors, because I can't do my job because they haven't done theirs. And it's frustrating.
It's not like I yell at them. Even when they are days behind, I still don't yell. I know their jobs are stressful, and paperwork can be annoying. I know. I give them the benefit of the doubt every time. If it goes on for months, well sure -- I'll tell them that I want their time in. And they know. But I still need to do my job. Even if they called and said -- hey, I need more time, maybe a day or two, and I'll let you know when I'm all set... that would be just fine with me.
Ah, well. I can't make them do anything. So I guess I'll just have to learn to live with that.
Anyway, Wednesday was better than Tuesday. It smelled like autumn in the morning, which I love. The trains were packed again, but I got some okay sleep. Invoicing got done (done enough, anyway). And now I'm drinking tea. And Monday I'll go back to my fairly energetic Spanish class which is now being taught by... a Jew. Not that I don't like Jews (it's a good thing I do, or I'd have problems at home), but I just think it's completely funny that the entire Spanish department is made of Spaniards and Puerto Ricans and Mexicans... and one crazy little Jewish woman. I love it.
Anyway, speaking of Spanish, I should do my online workbook. And play a little game called "lots of Spanish flash cards". There's a quiz next week, and although the Anatomy exam next week is more important, I'm a little behind in Spanish. Maybe I should try talking to myself in Spanish... well, at least when no one else is around, anyway. I don't need people looking at me funny.
Enjoy that crisp autumn scent, everyone.
Monday I definitely got caught in the rain after class at 9-10pm-ish. And I don't mean just any plain old rain. I mean torrential-monsoonal-I was-so-glad-it-wasn't-hailing-golf-balls kind of rain. That was a good time, let me tell you. At least I was able to keep a sense of humor about it. And my head stayed amazingly dry -- compared to the rest of me, anyway.
At least the rest of the week wasn't as irritating as Tuesday. Everything seemed to be irritating. The trains were very full. I ran out of soymilk at work. I realized I had forgotten to pay a bill I was already a bit behind on. I had to do the invoicing at work... which never ceases to cause problems.
The act of invoicing itself is not bad. I can handle that. I can even make my way through the easy but time-consuming task of formatting the timesheets I get from the engineers. Some of them turn their time in on time, and the time is correct, and there are no problems. Once we get to the deadline we begin to have problems. That's when the engineers have a tendency to ignore me.
They don't mean to. I know they don't. But they figure they will finish thier time in just a minute, then they'll be fine, and they won't have to worry about letting me know what's going on. But then something happens, and they get distracted, or some crisis happens with a client, and it's the end of the day. And they figure they'll get to it when they get home, or first thing in the morning, still no big deal. And they begin to avoid me so they don't have to face me until everything is in and all is right in the world again. But the same distractions and crises happen the next day, and before you know it... I'm feeling ignored. And then I'm calling and emailing, and calling and emailing their supervisors, because I can't do my job because they haven't done theirs. And it's frustrating.
It's not like I yell at them. Even when they are days behind, I still don't yell. I know their jobs are stressful, and paperwork can be annoying. I know. I give them the benefit of the doubt every time. If it goes on for months, well sure -- I'll tell them that I want their time in. And they know. But I still need to do my job. Even if they called and said -- hey, I need more time, maybe a day or two, and I'll let you know when I'm all set... that would be just fine with me.
Ah, well. I can't make them do anything. So I guess I'll just have to learn to live with that.
Anyway, Wednesday was better than Tuesday. It smelled like autumn in the morning, which I love. The trains were packed again, but I got some okay sleep. Invoicing got done (done enough, anyway). And now I'm drinking tea. And Monday I'll go back to my fairly energetic Spanish class which is now being taught by... a Jew. Not that I don't like Jews (it's a good thing I do, or I'd have problems at home), but I just think it's completely funny that the entire Spanish department is made of Spaniards and Puerto Ricans and Mexicans... and one crazy little Jewish woman. I love it.
Anyway, speaking of Spanish, I should do my online workbook. And play a little game called "lots of Spanish flash cards". There's a quiz next week, and although the Anatomy exam next week is more important, I'm a little behind in Spanish. Maybe I should try talking to myself in Spanish... well, at least when no one else is around, anyway. I don't need people looking at me funny.
Enjoy that crisp autumn scent, everyone.
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