Midwifery books, Pregnancy books, anatomy & physiology books

Those are on my table right now.  And we're not talking 3 or four books.  We're talking ten.  On one table.  Because that's how many I need to get through my homework that's due tomorrow.  

And they aren't even cutting it.

None of us are quite sure how we were supposed to get our work done, because we're all having a hard time getting answers.  And it's not like I'm bad at researching.  I'm pretty good (if I do say so myself... and I do).  Google, Wikipedia, random online journals.  Ten textbooks.  Not helping.  

We all hope for some clarification this weekend.  

And now I'm off to create a costume of a seven month old embryo.  Yay!  

Photos! Yay!

I love mail-order photo companies.  I don't really have a preference.  Any place where I can order prints and get them mailed to me for half the price I like.  Because I like photos.  I like printing lots of them and putting them in albums and pasting them on my walls.  Almost free self-made art, yay.

Here are some of the new additions:  

Underside of a bridge, taken while on one of the super-cool architectural boat tours.

The Trump Tower, almost done.  A big shiny building.

A pretty little butterfly.  

So -- yay, photos!  I spend most of my afternoon putting these on the wall instead of working of Meredith's wedding dress.  

(Note to Meredith:  I was totally working on your dress all day.  Don't believe the lies.)  

And... that's all.  I like photos.

Food and dogs.

Well, I guess that title is misleading.  It connotes that I will be writing about how food and dogs relate to each other, or how they are somehow connected in some way.  Although they are related (that is, dogs do in fact eat food), I won't be speaking about their connections here today.  

I will be talking about bread.  Wonderous, beautifully edible bread. Finally. The only attribute I could have wished on this bread was for it to have had a slightly crispier crust. But it was soft, yes.  Tasteful, yes. Risen just enough but not so much that it ever even thought about falling.

It was so good that it was completely eaten in 48 hours. Yes -- that good.  Mmmm... bread.  Yum.

As for the dog part of the post:  I gave the dog a bath.  Which is good, because now he doesn't smell.  ...as much, anyway.  He's an old stinky mutt.  And his ears are pretty grimey sometimes, they need all the help they can get.  

Bad: because I, too, got a bath.  (I already had one today, thankyouverymuch).

My method is to fill up the tub with halfway soapy water, make him sit in it, and scrub him with soap.  Scrub him GOOD with soap.  His fur is somewhat water resistant, so I figure the more he is immersed in the water, the more clean he will be.  The problem was that Baloney seemed to think I was trying to drown him when I made him lay down in the tub for the first time.  He was SO freaked out.  So I have to hug him around his wet, soapy neck while I hold him down.  I've given up on staying dry.

Here he is, freshly bathed and still somewhat damp.  

The other part I hate about giving him baths?  The fact that he feels he must bathe himself afterwards.  He licks his paws (and everything else) until he's... I don't know.  Dry, maybe?  But this is obviously a very important part of the process.

What you may not know is that Baloney is pretty much deaf.  So he can't hear himself as he NOISILY BATHES HIMSELF.  It drives me nuts.  If he does this for too long, I throw something at him -- not rocks or anything, just small pens or bottle caps or something lightweight -- so that he stops.  

But I would rather him be not smelly.  Uck on dog smell.  Blech.

Bathe regularly, folks.

Cheap Eats

So, did you hear the economy is/was/still might be tanking?  Yep, most people are trying to slim down their budgets.  

Finally, I say.  Too many people have been living past their means for too long.  Sheesh.  ...of course, not that I was that much better until about a year or two ago.  It took me FOREVER to learn that my economic status was not the same as my parents' status (imagine that, a theatre grad not having the income of a family who had been working for decades, who'd a thunk).  Anyway, I figured it out, paid off the bills, slowly (I mean slowly) got a budget, and have been getting better gradually ever since.  Took me long enough.  But my husband has always lived frugally ("It's like Monopoly," he says, "you can't spend more than you've got!"), and I've been doing pretty well for a while, so I got a head start on the people who just started getting cheap last fall.

Anyway, I'm now at a point where I can look at an item in a store and know whether or not it's a good deal.  That's important, and not as easy as it seems if you're not used to it.  Here in Chicago, you're lucky to find ground beef for less than $2.50/lb, boneless chicken breast for $3/lb, and apples for less than $1.50/lb.  Add in all the fancy stuff that "people are supposed to eat", and the grocery bill can add up fast.  I swear, when I was in college, I would sometimes spend $100 a week on food.  A WEEK.  For one person.  It was in the name of it's-healthy-for-me, but it was WAY out of budget.  Kinda dumb.  I'd love to eat all natural free range organic happy everything, but I just can't afford $10/lb meat.  Or oranges for $1.50/lb.  Or a box of cereal that's less than a pound for $5.  It's just not possible.  I feel bad for the animals and the earth, I know it's not as good for us, but there's just nothing to be done about it.

So, let's look at what I've prepared over the past week or so:

Beef roast with mashed potatoes and salad:  Beef, buy one get one free, $2.50/lb.  Potatoes, $.50/lb for a 10 lb bag.  Salad with tomatoes and cucumber, about $1.50.  Per serving:  $2.00.

Tuna salad sandwich: Tuna, $.59, mayo/mustard, $.25.  Croissant, $.60.  Apple, 5 lbs/$3, about $.55.  Total:  $1.99.  (The croissant did me in.)

Pasta with tomato-beef sauce:  Pasta, $1.  Beef, $2/lb.  Tomatoes in a can (2), $1.50.  Onion & other, $.50.  Per serving: $1.75.

Chicken Rice & Spinach casserole:  Chicken (breasts, frozen from before I realized I shouldn't buy the easy kind), $2/lb.  Spinach, $1.50. Rice, $.50. And some other stuff.  Per serving: $1.50.

Beans, cornbread, and salad:  Beans, $1/lb.  Cornbread, about $2 homemade.  Salad of tomatoes  cucumber, $1.50.  Per serving:  $1.25.

Eggs & toast:  Eggs, $2.50/18.  Bread, homemade, $2.00.  Per serving, $.50.

So I'm doing alright, I think.  I'm finding meat on sale, buying a lot, and freezing it (wrapping in foil and writing the date on it first).  I can get chicken leg quarters for $.75/lb at the corner store normally, and sometimes on sale for $.50/lb.  Heavy produce (apples, potatoes, oranges) have better prices by the bag.  And although I don't typically buy onions by the bag (why not, who knows), I think I'll start.  Since we're chocaholics we always have some choclatey sweet stuff around, and my husband likes the good stuff -- Ghiradelli.  It's hard to go back to store brand chips... so that's our splurge item.  It's typically $3.89 for an 11 oz bag of chocolate chips, I can find them for 2 for $5 every month or two.  So I stock up, and we go through a bag every 2 weeks or so.  Cereal is SO expensive here, normally $4-5 a box, depending on what you get, so that gets passed up for eggs and bread.  Or oatmeal.  And I fill a casserole or pasta/rice dish with beans to pack in more protein and fiber, and that allows me to be able to serve a little less meat.  Any little bit of healthy filler helps.  And it also helps that Matt likes pretty much everything I've made, or I'd be totally frustrated with trying to please him and our wallets.

I normally shoot for a $5 per person per day food cost.  That's $250 - $300 per month for the two of us.  I guess that's not too bad depending on who you ask.

And tonight: I'll make oven-roasted fries for later this week (have to do *something* with the potatoes) and some sort of baked sweet.  It's been 48 hours since we've had baked goods in the house, I might get divorced if I don't correct that soon.  Since I found 500 bijillion tons of nuts while rearranging the kitchen this evening, I think it'll have nuts in it.  And chocolate.  (But that goes without saying.)

Shop on.

Food, Glorious Food

Oh, food is good. I like food. I will tell you more about my food, since I KNOW you are anxiously awaiting to hear what my diet has been lately.

[cricket noises]

Right. Um... moving on.

So. The other night: Whole Grain Capellini with a delicate Bolognese.

And by that, I mean whole wheat spaghetti with ground meat and canned tomatoes. But it was really good, so I figured it could have a fancy pants name. 

I was actually pretty impressed. I sauted up some onion with ground beef (on sale for $1.50/lb!) and basil and oregano (can't omit the oregano in a Greek household, I think the punishment is death, or having to constantly roll a ball of herbs up a hill for eternity, or something like that). And then I poured in a can of petitely diced tomatoes (preseasoned with garlic, $1 each, yay), and half a small can of tomato paste. and I stirred it and let it simmer for awhile.  (We can never use a whole bottle of prego before it molds, so a can is just easier and less wasteful for us.)

How long did I let it simmer? I don't remember. I let it simmer as long as it took me to mix and knead this beauty:

Yep. Bread. Good bread. ... Well, kinda good bread. It looked really good after the first rising, I was excited. It looked glorious and full after the second rising, I was elated. Then, in the ten minutes it took the oven to come to full temperature, it fell. And didn't even do that fancy "oven rise" thing that bread does when it cooks. ...it had so much potential. [sigh]

And naturally, the second loaf from this batch that I made the other day did the same dumb thing.  You'd think bread was hard.  [sulk]

And... let's see.  Spinach pie, yay!

I love spinach pie.  But I always conveniently forget until 8:30pm on a work night that it really takes a long time to prep, what with all the phyllo layer-butter-phyllo layer-butter-phyllo layer-butter-phyllo layer-butter business.  At least it's yummy.  

Let the good times roll.

I want to be a midwife SO BAD

But I'm gonna hafta wait. [sigh] It's just not my time, sad as I am to say so. Why do I say so?

As you may or may not know, I just barely missed getting a spot in the glorious but life-sucking UIC Master's in Nursing program that I would have started last January. (I was actually closer to being in than I thought, but I'm not going to post about that here.) Anyway, although I was dead-set on that program before I was married, I later decided I was glad I didn't get in. I would have made a pretty bad wife if I were in that program. I would have been at the school all day, and home just enough to sleep. I would do that to me, but I can't do that to Matt. Some people do, and that's totally fine if it works for them, but I just don't want to do that anymore.  So... school option number 1, nixed.

After I got the "You're-not-in-yet" letter from UIC, I started a dozen or so files on the other nursing schools in the area. Many were accelerated Bachelor's programs, where I'd get my degree in a year.  But this would bring me back to the same problem I had with the UIC program -- too much time in school, not enough time to actually be the wife I want to be -- so those are out.  Besides, I'm trying to make it through school without loans, and those programs are 20k - 50k.  That's a bit more than I have managed to save up.  And although there are loan payback programs from the government and hospitals upon signing contracts, you have to pay all that upfront.  And amazingly enough, a white girl from the burbs with a good upbringing making an okay amount of money that already has one degree can't get any scholarships.  Go figure.  So anyway, the other fancy accelerated programs are out.  Option 2, nixed.

Last fall, while taking a Microbio class at Truman College, I found out that they had a nursing program -- I could get an Associates and be able to sit for the exam and get my RN in 2 years.  Huh.  That wasn't too bad.  So I got my info together, kicked some major bootie on my placement tests, and just found out last week that I'm in.  YAY!  I'm in somewhere!  I'm on my way!!!  Or something.  So this starts this fall.  And it seems that it's only about $5000 for the whole 2 years.  Good, gives me something to do other than my accounting job I can't stand.  And it's pretty marketable, that's good, too.

And then, a month or two ago, a friend from my Biology class two years ago told me that if I had free time, I should complete a nurses aide training program.  She said that all the girls at Marquette that had been nurses aides were much more comfortable when they got to clinicals.  And it gets you a bit of networking at hospitals, so that can't hurt.  It's only $1000, so that's not too bad for a certificate that will get me experience and a job that I can have while getting my RN.  Anyway, I got into a CNA program at Truman, and that's an 8 week program that starts in June.  So, yay!  Another start!  Woo-hoo!

And then... early this year, after talking to Kim, I found out about a great midwifery training program.  It was for Certified Professional Midwives, training for homebirth.  I would love to get my hands into homebirth -- I think homebirth midwives have a far greater knowledge of birth as a normal process, and really want to learn that.  And tie that in with my RN that I'll be getting, and I'd be doing pretty well.  So I called the head of the program and got myself in.  Yay!  Midwifery, here I come!  YAYYAYYAY!

And then... in February I went with many of us midwife-wanna-bes to Springfield with the Coalition for Illinois Midwives to lobby for the Homebirth Safety Act.  This would legalize the CPMs, and allow us to be regulated.  That whole legal thing would be nice, let me tell you.   Being an underground is no fun.  So we all went down there, and it was kind of a rush.  Getting involved with the lawmaking process, all the networking and persuading.  Yeah, it's politics... politics, blech... but it's gotta be done.

And after realizing a number of things about me and my life right at this moment and where I am in this world, I realized that maybe working for the coalition on this new bill may be the best use of my time, rather than working towards my own midwifery training.  

It took me 2 months to make my decision final... I only just sent the email breaking the news to the head of the program.  That was a really hard email to write.  And it took me a while to finally send it.  

[sigh]

I want to be a midwife SO MUCH.  I want to help moms.  I want to support families.  I want to spread my knowledge, and encourage women to look for their own answers to their questions.  I want to empower and enlighten and embrace women and their experience and their health.  

It almost makes me wish I had not gotten into theatre in undergrad, wasting my time with acting when I should have been on my way to being a midwife.  I would be one by now, making my way, making waves.  ...But I'm not.  And I loved the work I did, and I don't regret it.  But it's still hard.

I'll be a midwife one day.  It may be a long time from now.  But I will be a midwife one day.  

Find your dreams, everyone.

On the Road Again

Ah, Ohio. Home of my parents. Home of my husband's parents-in-law. Source of joy and only minor annoyances now that I don't live there anymore. We love Ohio. My husband told me a great joke when he was courting me:

"Oh yeah, Ohio is always wonderful! And Cleveland -- the best! Want to know when it looks the most beautiful? ...When you're seeing it in your rear view mirror! Badda-boom-ching! HAHAHAHAHA! ...so where are you from again? Oh, Ohio, really. ...so where in Ohio? ...near Cleveland? ... ah. Right."

Then he went on to make fun of liberal arts degrees, and found out after he finished that joke that I had a theatre degree. The poor boy had lost all hope of marrying me. But then I made some chili for him, so he figured I liked him enough to marry him anyway.

But back to the topic at hand, Ohio. It was a good time. While I talked midwifery and all that the future holds with Mom, Matt was locked in the computer room, looking at stuff like this (courtesy of Wikipedia, of course):



Well, maybe not quite like this. His stuff for his physics class was a little different. At least, I assume so. I wouldn't know the difference between this and what he was actually looking at if it hit me in the face. Although I guess I wouldn't be able to see it if it hit me in the face, that's happened before. So maybe it's better to say I wouldn't know the difference between this and Matt's homework if I had had a chance to see both items walk slowly up and down a catwalk, turning gracefully, showing me all they got. Then at least I would have a better look.

I would still have no clue.

Anyway, that was really all that happened last weekend on our trip to Ohio to see the 'rents. We ate lamb (any respectable Greek eats lamb), communed with family, watched some movies (Working Girl with Melanie Griffith - yay! - and The Saboteur, an old Hitchcock film). Mom bought us yummy chocolates and chocolate cupcakes from the lovely local bakery (that boy of mine is spoiled by two women!). I drove halfway back, and for someone who hates driving a stick shift, that sure was a painful experience in Chicago traffic. But we got back at a respectable time, and all was well.

Then Matt got back to his Physics. Blech. Four more weeks until the semester is over. Not sure which of the two of us are more excited. We'll get through.


Hope everyone's Easter was full of happy!

Bread is good. Unless it's bad.

Sparked by all these wonderful blogs I've been reading lately, I decided to make all our own bread from now on. Why?

1. It's cheaper (unless you buy wondersuperyuck bread, which doesn't count)

2. It's healthier (no more weird preservatives that will keep my digestive system in tact 736 years past my death)

3. It's such a wonderful, house-warming past time which will make my heart feel more whole (no promises there, folks)

Well, I am quite the baker. And I have baked bread before. Nothing to it, right? Just a little bit of work -- and if I use the bread attachment on my kitchenaid, I don't even have to do that horrible awful kneading for ten mintues. Yay, bread!

Well, it didn't quite work out that way.

This is a photo of my husband feeding my first, second, and third loaves to the birds -- I have no idea how he was even able to tear those chunks of bricks into small pieces. Oh -- sorry, I just remembered he didn't throw the second. I didn't even bother to bake that loaf, I just (sadly) threw out the lumpy dough, I was so angry. Nothing rose. Not at all. Not after using brand-new yeast, active or quick, thermometers to test the temperature of the water, good kneading... nothing. I am normally SO much better than that. [pout]

So I read up a bit, found out that you can salvage a bread that didn't rise the first go around by mixing a bit more yeast into it, and tried that with the 4th loaf. It came out... edible.

As you can see, it's only slightly brick-like. There are some air bubbles, but you can see the marks from the knife. You shouldn't see knife marks in bread. [sigh]

So I tried again. I read a science of cooking book, and learned a bit about the whole flour-protein-yeast mixture (I will spare you the scientific details). I bought some wheat gluten and decided to let it rise for extra time just to be sure it came out right... but perhaps I should have been checking it. That wheat gluten... boy. It sure makes bread rise somethin' fierce.

Here is my lovely, well-risen bread. Look at that rise.

Look at that gorgeous crumb. So fluffy. So soft. Ah, bread. How I do love thee.

I pulled it out of the oven, my husband salivating. Mmmm.... We tasted it.

Hmm. Kinda tasteless.

Then I remembered -- I didn't add salt. Not ANY. No wonder it had no flavor and rose like the dickens. It rose so much, it caved:

So, yeah -- bread. I plan on making more. One day, I may even get it right.

(stupid bread)

You Can Have Whatever You Like

(In case you're wondering, no, I don't like TI, who wrote the above lyrics. He just got arrested for weapons or something related to them. But my coworker's cell phone rings with the above lyrics, and so I frequently have the song in my head.) [shrug]

With the recent craziness of our small household, I've lost myself in a little bit of thought of what I want for our future. Most of it is different than most peoples' wants, I suppose.

I would love to live in the boonies, on a little homestead, Little-House-on-the-Prairie-Style. Just, you know, with electricity... and running water... and my internet. I do enjoy Google and Wikipedia. But I'd love to make my own soap, which I can't do now for lack of time and space. I want a garden big enough to take care of at least some of our winter food, and learn canning -- again -- lack of time and space. Enough kids that we have a good sized family, but not so many that we can't have a decent lifestyle (no, I don't know what that means yet). I want to have a house that is clean and fresh, with our own home grown flowers adorning the big dining room table. I want a kitchen open enough to the rest of the house that I can be there and not cut off from friends when they are over for dinner. I want a pretty but eclectic tea set that I can haul out after dinner, with enough time to be able to actually relax and enjoy it. I want chickens (I think). I don't know if I'd like to homeschool our kids, but it's a possibility. I like baking bread -- even though I don't quite have my method down pat yet -- and want to bake more.



I never imagined saying this, but I get some silly satisfaction out of taking care of the home. I remember glorifying the 1950's housewife lifestyle when I was a kid, wishing to playact in it for a time. And I had started doing that after getting married, but thought that I had to be careful in setting up that soon-to-be-cemented expectation in Matt that this was the way it would always be. Then I realized -- this was enjoyable. I liked this. Huh.

So I've found myself enjoying that simpler life that I've talked about for years. Buying fewer things, making more of our own household supplies (baking soda is AWESOME at de-griming a bathtub), trying to keep a slower pace. I always talked a good talk, but I'm finally living it. Well... okay, kind of living it. As much as one can when living in a huge city in a small apartment working at a desk job. I've gotten rid of debt, I don't spend as much -- or when I do, I spend intelligently on something I plan on having for a LONG time.

I finally feel like my religious search has mellowed, too. I have finally settled back into a version of a mindset I had years ago, just more Abrahamic-based. I feel like I can look to God for the stability I need, but know that I can't expect any help unless I first get my own rear in gear. I'm not perfect, but no one judges me except for Him, through the eyes of the One who gave me this life I lead. As long as I'm doing the best I can -- and actually doing my best, not just faking it -- I'll be fine. I hope that I can bring light to everyone in my life.

I know that in the past I looked upon people who were "simple" and thought they were missing out; it was too bad they didn't see all that life had to offer. If only they would reach out from their small lives, spread their wings and fly! Think critically of life and of the people around them, expand from where their families came from! I've finally begun to realize how wrong I was -- not necessarily for everyone, but for me. Maybe it was a stage I was going through, or maybe it was just me trying to make good on all the good education given to me by my parents. But simple isn't necessarily less. I can't preach it to everyone, though I hope that I can subtly influence other people to make similar choices. We can have whatever we want -- and if simple we want, simple we can have.

But living simply doesn't mean you can't have and enjoy these every now and then (as long as you get a good deal).


I love my life. [smiles]


Yours in Simplification.

I Love My Phone… Or, The Setback after Forehead vs. Nose

I think it all started with my new phone. Or maybe the fact that I'm leaving work in a month and can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe just that eating more beef is upping my iron intake and giving me more energy. Whatever. I like my new phone.

I won’t bore you with the specs, but basically it’s one of those fancy-schmancy expensive lil’ smartphones. (For those who care, it’s a Palm Centro; for those that ask, no, they certainly aren’t giving me any money for saying their name here.) I originally got it so I could get to my email or the web if I needed it, which could come in handy if I were on call as a doula or midwife trainee.

I soon found that the best part of this phone was the PDA part. I can:

1. Keep my calendar in order

2. Have an organized to-do list

3. Actually remember my grocery list

4. Recall friends’ birthdays, making me feel like a better person

You know how you have thoughts of random things that you know you have to do pop up throughout the day? I either tried really really really hard to remember them (like that ever worked) or wrote the task on a post-it (ask me how many random lost post-its fell to the bottom of my purse). So now, when I think of something, take out my handy-dandy phone, type it into my To-Do list, and no forgetting! (Unless I forget to review the list before I leave for work and neglect to buy milk on the way home… not that I’ve ever done that.)

This was working really well when I first got my phone last fall. I was figuring out that when I typed all my random thoughts into my phone that my brain – the meager organ it has seemed to be lately – could actually focus. And I wasn’t as stressed. I was getting really used to that.

Then I got mugged.

Yep – I got mugged at 6:45 on New Year’s Eve morning on the way to work by someone who decided his best instrument of destruction was his forehead. I don’t suggest this. I wasn’t knocked out, but I saw absolutely nothing and definitely fell to the ground pretty fast and stayed there for a good while... 30 seconds?... while I waited for my brain to begin working again.  This was when I realized my purse was not in my hand anymore.  Har-umph.  I got up, walked back home, and buzzed the door for my husband to come get me (no keys – they were in my purse).

Anyway, it could have been worse. I could have been beaten or something, but the worst injury was just a slight deviation of my septum to the left. Well, and a lot of bruising and a lip three times the size it normally is. I won’t post the photos here, they’re yucky. But know that I took the day off work, and I got the following day off because it was New Year’s Day.

Yeah… we didn’t go out New Year’s Eve. I couldn’t really eat or drink well, and I didn’t want to be stared at. So I stayed at home, had dinner with friends, and kept an ice pack on my face. But we still had a good time, honest. I found a way to drink my wine without spilling most of it on myself.  Yes, I can adapt pretty well, thank you.

Anyway, so the phone was gone, but because I was smart enough to get the warranty on it in the first place (thank goodness), my new one showed up at my door in two days. Yippee! But of course, life was busy, and I didn’t get it set up the way I liked it for a while. And life got stupid again. And because Matt is taking a HUGE course load (try taking two calculus classes and two physics classes and have a life at the same time, I dare you), I’m trying to pick up the slack around the house. And that slack was often dropping.

Well, last month I finally decided to get my phone organized again. I reorganized my contacts. I re-entered my calendar dates (the ones I could remember). I put a modified budget into it so I could see how much money I spend per month. I have a daily to-do list (call temp agency, pluck eyebrows), and a list for all big projects (organize wedding photos, clean up sewing area). And… really, all is well in the world again.

My apartment has never been so *consistently* clean. EVER.

The dishes are always washed – there’s just something about having a clean sink at night (thanks, FlyLady!) The dresser is no longer a catch-all for random items with no home. The floor is swept (with the help of an easy-to-use mop that I like, not a pain-in-the-rear broom that I hate). The important papers got reorganized in new expandable cardboard (not plastic) file folders (sometimes it’s just nice to buy new things to kick-start a project). And Matt helped to get the closets reorganized, that was a big help. Yay for my husband.

I do believe that because I’m able to keep my life in order, with a system that works for me, my brain is free to think about… well, nothing, sometimes, I can’t lie. But that means I’m less stressed, and I have no problem keeping up with chores and other life-tasks.

Anyway, my point: I feel like a high-maintenance ninny, since I seem to need a piece of electronic junk to keep my life in order.

But it works for me. So… fine. Think what you will. Just don’t take my phone.

However, if you must take my phone, ask nicely. And please don’t head-butt me for it.

Clean on, Personal Digital Assistant lovers.